Wish I Had Better News

Well, I guess I should just break the news. I'm not pregnant...

Yesterday was such a hard day that I just couldn't deal with this blog. But after a LONG night of sleep, I'm feeling better about everything. 

Mike and I went in at 10:00am yesterday for the beta blood work and I was so nervous. Strangely enough, I had a feeling I wasn't pregnant. Something in my gut told me it didn't work. But Mike kept reassuring me and all the nurses kept saying how they had high hopes for me so it was hard not to start believing them. Mike and I went out to get some breakfast afterward and then went home to wait for the news. They finally called around 1:30 with the sad news. I was surprisingly calm on the phone with the nurse, probably because I was in shock. But as soon as I hung up the phone I burst into tears. I laid there for a good 20 minutes in Mike's arms just crying. Once the tears finally stopped I fell asleep and napped for about an hour. After napping I felt a little better, I think it was finally sinking in.

Dr. Lee called me around about this time to personally tell me that he was so very sorry to hear that it didn't work this time. He said that even though I had a pretty high probability of it working, we knew there was still a chance that it wouldn't work.

Side note: I don't think I ever talked about this before. Dr. Lee has several little Tupperware containers in his office that are filled with beads. He uses this to demonstrate your odds. Since he categorized me in the best category due to my age and health, he used the container that said 70% on it. It had 100 beads in it: 30 of them were brown (which represents no pregnancy), 35 were pink (which represents a girl pregnancy) and 35 were blue (which represents a boy pregnancy). Since we had decided to transfer two embryos he randomly pulled out two beads, a pink and a brown. Then he pulled out two more beads, both blue. He did it again and got two brown. He did this ten times to show us that while most of the time we ended up with at least one baby, there were still some times that we ended up with two brown beads. In other words, no pregnancy.

Back to my story, Dr. Lee told me that he doesn't think there is anything wrong with me that we don't know about that would contribute to why it didn't work this time. He said that unfortunately, he thinks we just drew two brown beads this time and is hopeful that next time will be better. So I'm not going to wallow in sadness forever. Sure I am sad that I won't ever get to see what will become of those two precious embryos. But I have always said things happen for a reason so I am going to continue to believe that.

At this point the plan is that I am stopping all my meds (that is the silver lining) and waiting for good old Aunt Flo to arrive. Once she does I will notify Dr. Lee and we will begin our next transfer cycle. I'm hopeful that October will be THE month!